The Lost Hope of Ella

Just because I feel like it on this fine and sunny Monday morning, and because I didn't write on the weekend because life got in the way and I'm also trying to finish this Twilight series, I've posted my short story that appeared in Darkened Horizons last year. Enjoy.

The Lost Hope of Ella

Danielle Ferries

Ella Mayne was born with only one eye.
Teased mercilessly at school and pitifully shy, she wished she had two eyes like the other kids, but the area inside and around the socket was so sensitive she hadn’t ever been able to do anything but wear an eye patch.
The crowd of people she was sitting with right now avoided looking at the entire right side of her face. How lucky for the people sitting on her left that they weren’t subjected to what they knew was on the other side of the black eye patch.
People called her peculiar by nature and she was different, just not in the way they thought. She was born without a right eye and she’d die without a right eye. That was the way it was meant to be.
Even now, as she crossed the dimly lit restaurant people stared as she passed their table. Laughter rang out around her and she wondered whether it was her they were laughing at. She’d never shrugged off the insecurity.
Until she’d met Cal.
Before him she’d never felt remotely attractive to another human being. But he made her eye patch seem glamorous, like she was from some exotic foreign country. Unfortunately, Cal belonged to her best friend, Tara, who led him around like some poor fish impaled on a hook. Obscenely rich, thanks to recently departed parents, Tara didn’t allow work to get in the way of her social life. She and Cal were a golden pair and lately Ella felt like the token childhood friend, allowed along for the ride.
She hated it.
She was returning from the bathroom when she heard Cal’s voice clearly above the others. A couple of guys had stopped at their table and she heard her name mentioned. Alarm bells clanged as she heard him making a joke about her eye. She watched through the thick beaded curtain that separated the bathroom from the seating area in the small Chinese restaurant, listening to his laughter. Fury rising, she clenched her fists.
‘She’d be worth a tumble if you could avoid looking at her face. She’s a real Cyclops, likes to leave the patch off when she’s at home. Scares the bejesus out of the cat.’
Heat exploded in her face like fireworks on New Years Eve. Not Cal. Anyone but him. Not ten minutes ago he’d told her how pretty she was while Tara was at the bar ordering more drinks. Her foot began to tap heavily on the tiled floor. He’d sucked her in, made her believe she wasn’t just a one-eyed freak. Years of humiliation came to the surface as Tara returned to the table carrying a tray of drinks, abruptly ending Cal’s unflattering description. Ella stiffened her spine and pushed the heavy beads aside.

Other people’s conversations flowed around her as she kept her head down and took a seat beside Tara. She wanted out, away from here. But she’d promised her friend she’d come out with her tonight, and she’d stay until Tara was ready to leave.
She risked a glance at Cal, but catching her attention, he just winked and gave her a grin. Had someone else overheard him say those hateful words and passed it on to her, she’d never have believed them. Another guy maybe, but not Cal.
‘Ella, what’s wrong?’ Tara nudged her arm. ‘You’ve been glaring at everyone for the last hour.’
Ella paused, considering how she’d best answer her friend. She looked down at the bangles on her wrists, watched the way they caught the light from the candle on their table. It would be so much easier if Tara hated him as much as she did right now. Just for a short time she wanted Tara to see him for what he was, and then maybe he’d be gone from their lives and she wouldn’t have to see him anymore.
Tara would be upset at first; she was hoping he’d propose soon. And until five minutes ago Ella had been wishing the same thing for her. But Tara would get over him. Eventually. The pain would recede and she’d meet someone else.
In the meantime, Ella would be there for her.
She smiled. Cal’s fate was sealed.
‘I need to speak to you about something.’ Ella tucked a curl behind her ear hoping Tara didn’t notice her shaking hands. ‘But not in here.’ She glanced towards the door.
‘Let’s go outside.’ Tara grabbed her bag. ‘I need a cigarette anyway.’
Tara had never once made fun of her missing eye. Not even in a jokey-friend way. She’d be pissed if she knew Cal had, but that alone wouldn’t be enough to make her dump him. Yet Ella could no longer stand to be around him. It was a case of her or him, and there was no need to bring Tara into the equation.
‘Okay, then.’ Tara said when they stepped out into the crisp night air. ‘Let me have it.’
Ella let the door go behind her and the noise from inside the restaurant was abruptly cut off. She tapped her foot gently on the footpath as she considered her delivery. Tara lit her cigarette and exhaled white smoke around them and Ella watched the mini clouds waft away on the night air.
‘Do you remember that girl from the beach?’
‘The one with the hideously large nose?’ Tara smirked. ‘God, can you remember the way she slithered all over Cal?’
‘And he denied having anything to do with her.’ Ella finished.
‘What are you saying?’ Tara inhaled, her eyes narrowed.
‘I’m only telling you this because it’s you.’ And I need you more than he does.
‘What is it?’ Tara’s tone was more gentle, vulnerable almost.
‘I overheard him telling his friends about her. Just now at the table. I didn’t get her name, he was just talking about the fox from the beach that he was screwing.’
Silence stretched between them for so long Ella feared the shock had taken Tara’s voice.
‘Bastard,’ she finally whispered as she flicked her cigarette into the gutter.
She’ll get over it in time, remember.
‘You’re sure that’s what you heard?’ Tara turned her gaze onto Ella. ‘Definitely sure?’
‘Positive,’ Ella’s voice wavered. Could Tara tell she was lying? This was her friend, the one person who had always defended her. What a crazy mistake it would be if it backfired.
‘What else did he say?’
This was the clincher. She needed to make sure there was no doubt. ‘That he’s seeing her again in a few weeks.’ Oh God.
Tara’s face dropped, vulnerability and hurt replacing anger. ‘He said that.’
‘Uh huh.’ She couldn’t take it back now.
Anger flared again and the vulnerable girl vanished.
‘Wait here.’ She squeezed Ella’s hand as she walked past and Ella watched through the window like an eavesdropper as Tara walked into the restaurant, determination in her stride.
Unable to watch her plan unfolding, Ella paced the footpath. Three steps towards the road and turn. Another three steps toward the restaurant without looking in, and turn. She tapped her foot to the tune inside her head while she waited, listening to the rhythm as her shoe tapped on the concrete. Where had she heard that song before?
She thought she had it when Tara came rushing out of the restaurant with Cal close behind. She was standing to the side of the door and neither of them noticed her as Tara yelled and Cal pleaded. He grabbed her by the arm and Ella flinched as Tara slapped him across the face. Twice. He looked utterly bewildered.
Fool.
His protestations of innocence were drowned out by Tara. Ella had a sudden feeling her plan was going too well. Something was off, but she couldn’t figure out what. A cold sliver of fear shot up her spine and she backed warily into the shadows.
Tara shook him off and started to walk across the road. Ella watched, wondering if Tara was leaving. She’d have to find her own way home. She was about to call out when she saw the car coming around the bend.
Neither of them saw it as Cal continued to follow Tara. Fascinated, Ella watched as time slowed to an unnatural pace. She didn’t call out to warn him as she saw Tara reach the safety of the other side, didn’t make a single noise. But for the sound of the car and the song in her head it was perfectly quiet.
She turned away, just before impact, heard the screech of tyres as the driver tried to stop followed by the awful thud as the car hit something hard.

Under the covers, darkness sheltering her like an old friend, Ella heard his whispers. Almost indiscernible threats, wanting to be let out. They’d started not long after she arrived home and although they hadn’t grown above a whisper, their intensity seemed to increase with every minute she ignored them.
Tara would arrive soon, after collecting her things from her apartment. Ella had offered to go with her but she’d wanted some time alone. Maybe when she arrived the whispers would stop. She knew who it was. She recognised the voice.
Cal.
She lay completely still, concentrating on what he was saying to her.
Can you sleep?
He knew.
And he wasn’t going to let her get away with it.
Three sharp knocks on her front door startled her. She threw back the covers and with the low voice buzzing inside her head got to the front door in time to hear another three sharp knocks.
Tara stood, bag in hand, limp as last week’s flowers.
Ella looked down, her right foot tapping furiously on the timber floor. Even with Tara standing in front of her the whispers continued and Ella silently willed him gone. Was this her purgatory? His revenge on her from beyond?
The whispers in her head grew louder, more urgent. His message was definite.
Can you sleep at night, bitch?
‘Ella, I can’t believe he did that.’ Tara said when she ushered her inside. ‘I can’t believe that car…it came out of nowhere. He can’t have seen it. I didn’t see it. Everything happened so quickly.’ She collapsed on the lounge and Ella plumped cushions. After blowing her nose, Tara began to replay the scene outside the restaurant.
The aftermath of the accident was a blur in Ella’s head. The police came, an ambulance, other people. Questions were asked, people arrived and left and all the time Ella cowered in the corner, not sure what to say, how to answer. Then Tara had whispered something to one of them and they’d looked at her and nodded. For a second she was terrified they’d all seen through her, but then an officer came over to her and told her everything was going to be fine.
It wasn’t though. Tara was sitting on her lounge and Ella could only stand in horrified silence as her friend sobbed out her pain. Her skin began to itch where the patch rested against her face and she tapped her foot as she resisted the urge to scratch. Instead, she lifted the eye patch away from her eye and pulled it from her head. Cool air brushed against her skin and there was a tingling sensation as air permeated the empty socket.
She was about to ask Tara if she could make her something to eat when she realised the whispers had stopped.
‘Oh God.’ No whispers. Just the buzzing of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Cal’s voice was gone.
Standing in her small cluttered lounge room, a soft glow from the lamplight, she knew a rare moment of pure happiness.
‘What is it?’ Tara looked stricken. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ Ella shook her head. Instantly she was sorry as Tara began to cry again.
She ached to tell Tara she’d made a mistake. But it wouldn’t solve anything. Even if she cleared Cal of any wrong doing, he was still dead. And Tara would hate her.
‘Ella, please.’ Tara threw her arms around her. ‘I feel so…’ she sobbed, Ella put her arms around her.
She heard a knock at the door and froze, unsure what to do. Tara was the only person who ever came to her apartment. In the two years she’d lived here no one else had ever knocked on her door.
Eye patch carefully back in place, she went to the door. After releasing the lock she pulled the door open an inch and peered out. The whispers started again and as she glared at a fair haired guy in a collared shirt with the name “Derek” embroidered on his pocket, Cal’s voice echoed through her head.
Can you sleep at night, bitch?
‘Delivery for Ruby James.’
Ella stared, dumbfounded. He held out a parcel to her and she saw the way he stared at her patch.
‘Are you Ruby James?’
Ella shook her head quickly. ‘Upstairs,’ she mumbled and shut the door. She slid the lock across and the whispering rose to a menacing level. Cal’s desperate words filled her ears.
‘Are you okay?’ Tara asked. ‘You’re very pale. I guess this must have been a hell of a shock for you too.’
‘I’m fine.’ Ella pressed her cheek against the timber door.
Can you sleep at night, bitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch?
He was pissed with her. Furious.
Ella ripped the patch from her head and threw it to the floor, breathing heavily as the whispers faded to silence.
The joke was on her.

Ella tightened the scarf around her throat and buttoned her coat. She glanced at the eye patch on her way out the door. It dared her to take a step outside without it and she looked away, concentrating instead on putting her shoes on. She’d dressed as blandly as possible, not wanting to bring any attention to herself other than the obvious.
She got as far as the stairwell before she had to go back. Out of breath with tears welling in her eye she returned to her apartment. Years of humiliation washed over her and she slipped the eye patch over her head, concentrating on the noise from the radio next door. Mrs Gunn was listening to the races again. A horse called Nobody’s Fool was winning and Ella concentrated on its journey while she moved the eye patch into place.
Can you sleep at night, bitch. BITCH, BITCH, BITCH?
By the time she reached the footpath he’d asked her the same question fourteen times. He continued asking her over and over until his voice reached a screaming crescendo. At the next corner, Ella leaned against a pole for support. She closed her eye, trapped in a world where all she could hear was his tortured screams.
A car honked in the distance and when she opened her eye she realised the car was in front of her. She’d stepped right into its path.
Please stop, she silently begged, stepping back onto the footpath. His voice rattled her brain, frizzled her nerves. It became so unbearable that her hands began to shake, her skin itched and her head was filled with murderous thoughts and an unsurmountable rage.
He was going to drive her right over the edge.
Unless you take off the eye patch. Suffer the humiliation.
On the busiest street in the city she looked wearily around her. Every childhood taunt came raging back as her hand went awkwardly to the patch. His voice continued to thunder in her head and she took a deep breath and lifted the patch, starting at the cool breeze that soothed the empty socket.
A lady carrying a small child gave her a single horrified glance before hurrying on, pulling her child closer against her body.
That was how it would be.
Was it such a huge price to pay for a little silence? Memories of a tortured childhood were nothing compared to the horror of Cal’s screaming voice filling her head.
Ella began to walk slowly down the street, the patch dangling from her fingers.